Lights and Warm Breath

 February 15, 2004

They said I lit up the room when I entered

They asked me how I could smile all the time

They always told me how nice I was

They didn’t know me very well, did they?

Before, I could touch nature with my heart

Before, the world lit up when I walked through it

Before, I was fearless in the woods

Now in life, I am hermetically sealed.

I used to often feel high

My meditation was instant and enriching

I used to feel safe knowing I could always “go away”

Being away doesn’t feel right any more.

For years, I felt I was an open book

My credo was to be honest and true

And I felt communication was the way

I was jolted to realize I had not done these things for me.

My therapist said that when one stifles feelings

The feelings include both the highs and the lows

Now I understand why my life feels static

Sounding like a heart monitor with nothing left to read.

As I sit here with my pen

I wonder if I will ever again connect

The world, my body and my soul

Or will I remain in my hermetically sealed domain?

Last night I felt a woman’s pain and fear

Last night there might have been a hole in my own zone

A tiny opening where true feelings flowed

I wonder if I allowed any of me to escape.

A tiny unlikely connection

With a soul who had no knowledge

Was it I understood her pain

Or was I just seeing myself?

I want to feel a leaf again

And the lighted aura of a pine

A white cat just walked by my window

Will I ever feel its warm breath again?

By inside people Rose, Paula and Stephanie